Two more nights.  Labs look good...if we can keep this up, I'll be home Tuesday.  Mom and I built a puzzle today.  It took us 3 hours.  I also did my nails. Now J and I are watching Despicable Me.  Really looking forward to the new one coming out.  Here are some flowers.

     Everything is going really well.  I'm not having any reactions to some of the things I had before.  I've made two new paintings, played scrabble (on an actual scrabble board, not an electronic device) and played dominoes.  For lunch I had the buffalo chicken sandwich special of the day and it was quite tasty.   Now a nap is in order.

Nap didn't happen but had a pretty yummy piece of pizza for dinner.  There is a special menu not advertised on the regular menu.  So far so good.

I'm here

All checked in and settled in my room.  I have 2 comfy chairs and a side table with drawers!  I have a big corner window overlooking the parking lot.  I can watch how badly the valets drive. 

Let the arts and craftiness begin! They have something art related happening on my floor tonight.  I won't have to drag my bing very far at all.

Happy Birthday to my brother Ryan since I didn't actually get to talk to him today. 

UPDATE- mom and I learned silk painting today.

     FYI-when your nurse says to 'go down to admitting, they are all ready for you' , that doesn't mean they have a room ready for you.  It means they will put you on a list and call you when a bed is available which apparently might not be today.  So our attempt at starting my 5 night stay on a Tuesday instead of Thursday to make the stay more enjoyable is failing.  At this point I'll take what I can get.  My dad might be able to come down for a visit and I'd rather not be in the hospital for that.  I tell you, I don't feel very independent this independence day!  Well I guess I am still independent.  I just have to wait on the rest of the world to get their crap together so I can move forward with mine.

     My labs are good so once I do get in I won't need a transfusion right away but I'll probably get one before I leave.  At least that is what my doctor says.  What will probably happen is they will give me blood when I first get there which means I can not leave my room for 5 hours...no fun hospital activities for me.

    I was all excited when my nurse said they are all ready for you.  Mom and I ran to get some breakfast and rushed back because we thought they had a room for me and we were going to get this treatment started. What a let down.  I'm certainly not looking forward to the hospital.  That is not what is disappointing me.  I'm looking forward to getting it over with and being back home.  That won't happen if we don't get started. There was a lady bug in my car and I set it free today.  If you believe lady bugs bring good luck as I like to still believe, something good should happen today.  We can ponder this and say my labs being good is one thing or maybe something bad is going to happen at the hospital and I will eventually be lucky I was not admitted when I thought I would be. I'll let you know when they admit me and what i think the lucky lady bug brought me.

**UPDATE - I decided ,since I hadn't heard from the ladies in admitting by 5 or 6 like they said I would, to call and check up on the situation at 7pm.  A gentleman answered and said I would not be getting in tonight and that I should call at 9:30am tomorrow to see if anything changed and keep my name on their list.  Further annoyed but honestly I wouldn't want to go in this late anyways.  They wouldn't be able to have my chemo ready for treatment tonight anyways, so I may as well stay in my own bed.

     It's all about staying positive because doing anything less gets you nowhere and does nothing good for you.  Proof...this morning I get a call from the hospital.  The doctor is stuck in Boston due to bad weather and they need to reschedule for tomorrow.  This leaves me feeling slightly annoyed.  There is some mental preparation that goes right along with packing your bag when you have to stay in a stinky hospital for 5 nights.  I was mentally prepared for all of this to happen today...not tomorrow.  Feeling anything but positive invites and builds up on other non-positive feelings.  Right now, I'm having trouble finding the positive.

     I know the answer, I just can't seem to find the way there.  Attitude really is everything but I can't seem to change mine right now.

     I still have it better than most and not a whole lot to complain about when you get right down to it and I am grateful for that.

     We had a very nice weekend.  Saturday, lunch with friends and a walk through a salvage space.  That's right...Jeremy went with me American Pickers style!  Sunday, breakfast with friends and a movie with mom.  We saw Epic.  It was a cute movie.

     I'm keeping it low key today.  I repacked my hospital bag to make sure we are ready to go.  Labs are at 8am tomorrow.  That leads me to hope I will be admitted early if my counts are good.  The reality...I won't be admitted until the evening.  I'll still bring my bag just in case.  It's always better to be prepared.  I'm ready to take charge this time.  I'll not let my caretakers do whatever they want.  They will have to compromise with me because there are just some aspects that don't work and if we can modify a few procedures it will make my stay more comfortable and their job my pleasant.  When they check you in they ask you what your goals are for your stay...I find this a bit silly but I have something to say this time.  My goal is to have a more pleasant stay then the last time which means no vomiting and more activities to get me out of bed.  I've done my part in coming up with what needs to happen to reach my goals...I just need everyone else to follow suit.

This is number 5 people!  Almost halfway there :)

     Got my head shaved again today...no more brillo pad head.  It was a good day.  I felt good.  J and I met some friends for lunch.  We had pizza which you all know is now my favorite thing to eat.  I love pizza for breakfast but tomorrow french toast (or pancakes) are in order.

     As promised, this is a picture of one of my scarves wrapped the "right" way.  They say there is no wrong way to wrap it and it will never look the same way twice.  I disagree.  If you wrap it and it just falls apart...you did it wrong. 

This is no tail

This is with tail and I am showing you the birds on the scarf...I love this scarf!

 

Maybe a migraine will make you feel better!

     So last night, one of my thermometer readings hit 100.  This makes me feel low because I'm expecting another hospital stay instead of a weekend at home.  This means sitting on the couch double fisted with thermometers taking my temp every 15 minutes until it's time for bed.  I'm still home, so that's good.  Today, I am watching tv and all of a sudden it seems like the guys face is half missing...cue migraine.  All my hard work to not take a pain pill because of chemo side effects down the drain.  My nurse recommended taking it with caffeine.  Luckily Shawn left some mountain dew in the fridge.  It has been more than a decade since I have had that yucky stuff...it's still yucky!  It was all we had though. 3 hours later migraine is gone, temp is normal and I'm ready to leave the bedroom once again.

     I remember my very first migraine.  I was driving the hot and a half to my parents house from college for my cousin Becky`s wedding.  While in the left lane, the vision thing started. It starts out so small you barely notice it.  It took over my left eye so quickly.  I had no idea what was happening and I was just around the flint area, still in the left lane.   It went away and by the time I got to my parents house my head was splitting right down the middle.

    An exciting story...compelling and rich.  it's all I have for now and it's time to give that 1000 piece hot air balloon puzzle one more try before just going it off the table.  I thought all the colours would make it easier...not the case.

Really...come on!

     Waiting with mom at the clinic.  We are just getting my labs done to see where my numbers are at.  I feel pretty good and am expecting the numbers to reflect that.  I might be able to eat a salad today!

     Saw some friends on Tuesday at a bowling alley.  I did not bowl or touch anything but it was great to see people and get the latest news.  Summer is always a rough time at the park and this one is no exception.  Jeremy and I went for a walk after dinner.  It felt good to get some sort of exercise.  I wish we could do that every night but occasionally its just not in me.

     I stopped by the hair salon at the hospital to get a lesson on scarf tieing.  I also got the cutest hat.

     Well I was going to take pictures but I got some crummy news about my counts and now I'm home in pjs with my scarf off.  Another time.  So yea, my counts are low...no salad for me.  A weekend of avoiding germs and cuts and even then I still might end up with an extra hospital stay.  Hoping treatment goes as planned this Tuesday.  Doc says if my numbers don't go up to 1, we have to wait again.  When I asked what I could do to help them go up...nothing.  Completely out of my hands.  I really don't like that.  Nap time.

What a good weekend!  I started out a little tired on Friday.  Saturday and Sunday, I didn't take any naps...although one of those nights I went to bed early.  Saturday we saw Superman in 3D.  It could have been a little shorter and a little quieter...I think the chemo is making me older than I already am.  We played canasta after that and I annihilated mom and Shawn (but we did not finish the game).  We had some Lee's pizza and Bo's ice cream for dinner.  Bo's employees need an attitude adjustment and I thought for a second Jeremy was about to give it to them.  I had a question about how they make a certain ice cream treat and the guy was very short and dismissive.  Apparently, he couldn't take my order because someone already started my "parties" order.  Totally fine if that were made clear when we stepped up.  I'm happy to play by their rules but I need to know what they are and if he hates his job so much well...

Anyways, Sunday we ran some errands and I finally decided we should go to IKEA (Shawn has never been) and get a table.  We have been without table for a month which wasn't a big deal until we wanted to play cards.  Plus now I have a place to build puzzles, paint and scrapbook.  We never really ate at the table.  I love our new table.  The price was right and it's nice and big for all of my activities.  After getting our table, we skipped over to TBBC and had some delicious shepherds pie.  Big thanks to Shawn and Jeremy for carrying heavy boxes up 3 flights of stairs after such a dinner (which included smore's for dessert) and building a table.  Not exactly what we had in mind for celebrating father's day.  We ended with the continuation of my canasta annihilation from yesterday.  They really didn't stand a chance but you can't leave a game unfinished.  It's just not right.

Today we took Shawn to lunch at the Wolf's Den.  They have good food and the place is covered in wolf memorabilia.  Shawn likes wolves so it was very fitting.  The owner of the place came up to our table.  His wife had recently passed away from ovarian cancer.  He told us their story and wished me luck.  He could see the port in my chest and of course the beanie on my head, so he knew more than most.  Moffitt gave her an additional 9 years and she gave them the ability to experiment and learn about ovarian cancer.  Such a nice man with a great outlook in bad times.  If you live in the Tampa area, go to the Wolf's Den.  It's near Wiregrass.  I never want to see his little business end.  He deserves whatever he wants and I hope he gets it.  On a sad note, his wife's doctor dismissed her concerns and symptoms like mine did.  By the time she got scans, her cancer was too far gone.  They gave her 2 years.  If something isn't right, request a scan.  Don't wait for a doctor or antibiotics to do nothing.  Worst case, your clean and have to pay a copay for peace of mind (unless you don't have insurance...then you are screwed). 

PICS!

Wolf's Den

 

     Picked Shawn up from the airport and got some bbq.  Now we are just hanging out at home.  I taught him how to play cribbage.  Being a seasoned card player he picked it up really fast...if I taught it right.  There were a few times we could have used my father in laws expertise but we improvised.

     Yesterday, I got the shot that tells my bones to produce white cells.  It's hard to remember but I think it hurts less this time.  My goal is to not have to take any pain meds.  So as I am feeling a bit tired and sore, that's all I have for today.

The chair

     I'm two hours into treatment and doing well.  Two chemos down one to go.  Mom brought me a pressed Cuban from the little deli downstairs and it was Delicious (so much so that the capital is warranted).  Treatment seems to be going quickly but ask me again in another 2 hours.  A nice volunteer with a cart full of ice cream, pudding and jello came by.  I opted for the middle option on the junk food scale...chocolate pudding.  Some of my high school friends will appreciate that. :)

     Here is one for my bird savvy people.  Can you name the birds that I have colored? They are birds I have worked with and you might have to use your imagination.  Hint-the blue birds are not included in this list.

     I kicked number 4`s butt!  Then we had taco bell.  Two people complimented me on my purple beanie too.  It really is so pretty and I'll wear it even after I have hair.  Shout out to Pam Wing for sending me such a cool beanie.  Here is a better picture of the picture I made for my mom.  I used 4 different medias on this one.  I also lost my paint brush in the huge chair they have me plop down in.  It literally ate my brush because 3 people were looking for it, we moved the chair and everything around it, the cushions came out, everything.  No paint brush.  The only reasonable explanation is the chair devoured my brush.  It was cheap anyway and I have more.  Also, the Look Good lady thought I was 18!  She was noticeably taken aback when I said I was 32.  

     What a good day!  I had one of my favorite breakfasts AND lunches.  Dinner was pretty tasty too.  I am stuffed.  I got to eat Olive Garden salad and fresh fruit!  I also got Jeremy's favourite dessert (key lime pie...cupcake) but I don't think I can fit anymore in.  I thought I was supposed to lose my appetite.

     American Cancer Society has a program I signed up for called Look Good, Feel Good.  Yesterday, I was told it was cancelled.  This morning I was told that was a mistake so I rearranged my labs to go.  It was very informative.  They went over wigs and hats and scarves.  They had some cool stuff.  Mom and I went shopping afterwards and I picked up a couple scarves...couldn't find any hats I liked.  I'm not a hat person.  They also went over make-up application.  My ability to follow instructions with all the different pencils was comical at best...eye liner on my eyebrows, I got the lip liner right :)  Really I just wanted to know how to do eye brows for when I lose mine.  I don't want them to look like the chick from the drew carey show.  My eyebrows are hanging in there though so maybe I won't have to worry about it.  My eyelashes seem to be thinner.  It's ok, I'm still as cute as ever :)

     Gearing up for round 4 tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

Doing well :)

     It's been a good weekend hanging out with mom and Jeremy.  I'm feeling almost normal, with the exception of an occasional nap.  I've always maintained that, as children we do not need the naps forced upon us by adults that interfere with playtime and productivity.  As a child, I remember nap time in pre k and kindergarten.  I was never tired and I would have to lay there, waiting to be allowed to get up and finish whatever I was doing pre-nap.  Anyone who does not believe a child`s ability to understand productivity has not played with me as a child.  First there was the initial idea, then the set up of the scene and finally the acting out of said idea.  Whether it was colouring or dolls, the method was the same and how frustrating it was to be plucked mid set up for a nap I did not need nor want.   As adults, we run all day with very little time for rest until it's time for bed.  Sleep tends to be less then restful for some because you can't seem to turn your brain off.  It is so backwards to me.
     We have beautiful art work on our walls.  They have been bare for a year. We had stuff tucked behind couches bnever got around to putting it up and then we were moving.  Now that we are staying at least another year, Jeremy initiated not only putting up what we had but picking up a few more pieces.  Our house feels a little more like a home and that makes me happy.  He is always making me happy :)

MIA

So I've been at the hospital the last two nights.  I'm hoping I can go home today but I'll tell you its not so bad when you're not in for chemo.  I can actually stomach the hospital food and I get to enjoy more string painting.  I'm doing well, just have some low counts and a fever.  Luckily, moffitt had a bed for me so I did not have to go to Florida General (not as nice there). 

Everyone keep your fingers crossed that I go home today and that we don't have any tornadoes...I don't think mom is ready for driving in our rainy/stormy season.  People are terrible drivers down here when it rains especially.  There will likely be 5 accidents from our house to the hospital when she heads out today.

On a happy note, check out what my fabulous husband did for me yesterday...
string paintings above my Grandma Ann's china paintings

As smooth as a...

     ...babies bottom!  That is my head at the moment.  I was really nervous about shaving any closer to the melon but Jeremy did an amazing job.  It is so soft and uniform.  It looks ten times better then the spotty stubble I had before.  I really am a lucky girl.  How many husbands out there would shave their wives heads without objection?  Ok, our circumstances are a little bit different but I still feel like I have one in a million. 

     Jeremy thinks I am pretty amazing because I am not crying in my soup about losing my hair or having to shave my head.  I never really thought about feeling sorry for myself.  Does this totally blow monkey nuts...YES!  Everyone has something going on that sucks.  A friend came over today and his tire blew on his car.   That sucks.  If my thing helps him put his thing in perspective, that's great.  I would never look at him and think or say "oh you think you've got problems?"  I was fortunate enough to work with some great kids when I was younger who had every reason to complain about life and they had some of the best attitudes.  I learned so much from those kids and am forever grateful.  They helped me find perspective.  I see this as a unique adventure, a test in my resolve to be the best me I can be (I know that sounds like a bad army commercial or something but it is how I feel).  I don't have to be the best ever, just the best me. 

Apologies...when I'm feeling good I get busy!  The last few days have been great.  My bonus mom was staying with us helping out.  We did a little bit of shopping, little bit of unpacking and lots of hanging out/family time (which consists of eating at cool places).  First night out of the hospital, Brian came over and the four of us had pizza.  Felt like old times:)  Friday, Pam and I were able to meet the guys for lunch for some yummy bbq.  That evening I stopped by bowling for rhinos and saw a bunch of friends from work.  Some were unaware of what's been going on with me so it was good for them to see me on a good day.  I won a raffle prize!  An autographed baseball and a t-shirt.  That is on its way to the biggest baseball fan I know in Indy.  After that it was pizza again but at Lee's in Seminole...if you live in Fl and like pizza, do yourself a favour and get some Lee's pizza! Saturday we grilled some delicious burgers at Brian's and just hung out.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  Life gets going and there never seems to be enough time to just hang out.  Well life has slowed down significantly for me so anytime anyone wants to hang out just let me know.

Our place is almost back to normal.  We had packed a bunch of stuff in preparation of moving in a few weeks.  We are no longer moving and so had many boxes to unpack.  It worked out though because I was able to reorganize pretty much everything and get rid of even more stuff.  While packing I didn't throw out as much as I would have because we might have been able to use it in the new place.  It's a different story with unpacking.  I kind of like getting rid of stuff.  You should see how organized my closet looks.  I still have way too many clothes but I made progress.  I wish my closet looked like one of those costs on the hgtv channel after a makeover.  I guess I'll save that for our next place.

I should get back to it.  Jeremy is working alone at the moment while I'm "resting".