Home sweet home

     Well they sure don't move fast at hospitals.  No food after midnight (didn't really want their food anyway) so they can finally get to an ultrasound at nine.  By the way, every morning at 7 there is a shift change and they come in to tell you that...nothing else, no vitals, maybe a 'do you need anything' (i was sleeping so no).  At 4 they come in to do labs (I'm also sleeping at this time).  If only we could combine our efforts to keep me comfortable.  I'm gonna have to speak to my doctor about a few things.
     So I'm home finally.  It was about 2pm when they let me go.  I've been doing well since getting home.  Something about eating food in the comfort of your own home, it changes everything.  The hospital just smells and then they bring in smelly, yucky food...I think I might vomit just talking about it.  I had pizza for dinner.  I don't think I could have eaten the same pizza in the hospital.  Maybe I need to take my food outside while I am in the hospital. 
     Anyways, that's all I've got.  Love to all:)

Grr

What the hey! I was supposed to go home today but my stupid liver decided to derp it up on its levels and now I have to stay another night.  Not cool.  I literally have everything packed. I am ready to go. I can not eat anymore hospital food.  Not even the salad.  Vanilla shakes are about all I can stand.

On a high note, I got my wig trimmed so it won't be so hot this summer.  I also got to enjoy the art center. Got in too late Thursday, Friday needed blood so couldn't leave the room. Closed Sat, Sun, and Mon.  I built a puzzle and colored a picture in my room.  I went for a couple walks and watched way too much tv.

This day did not get better.  Anticipatory nausea is a real thing and I can't seem to outwit it.  Or out medicate it.  Wish me luck for going home tomorrow.  Happy birthday to my dear friend Pam. And here is something I made today...

Blah

Round 3 is not my best round...although I am winning it.  I'm mostly just tired.  I did however build one puzzle and color one picture...quite the accomplishments.

I've done a couple walks.  They don't have many walking options.  It was nice to get fresh air.

Here we go again

Round 3...in the hospital for 5 nights.  You do not get good sleep here.  Chemo never starts on time.  I'm up til 2am before I get to really tuck in to the night. Then up every 3 hours.  Breakfast promptly at 8 when I just want to sleep, but eat hot things hot so you force it down.

Halfway done with this cycle as soon as we get started. 

     So just sitting around waiting for a phone call to let me know a room is open for me...lots of people getting chemo at Moffitt. 

     Had a great day yesterday.  A delicious breakfast at Sign of the Mermaid.  Highly recommend it to anyone in the Anna Maria area.  Skunked my Father-in-law in cribbage...and then he did it right back to me.  Cribbage is my new game.  It is so much fun!!  Found out there was a going away party for a good friend down at Jeremy's old shop.  I was feeling so good that I had me one or two of these

just a small 4 oz pour

     I stayed up way too late making sure I was ready to go into the hospital today.  Today, I have gotten so many things done, or at least underway.  It seems I will never be done talking to Metlife, Cigna, work, etc.  On a high note, my counts were so good that mom and I went to Fuschia for some chinese food.  It was delicious!  Miso soup, hot tea, sesame chicken, spring roll...are you hungry yet.  It was so good.  I highly recommend Fuschia for some chinese cuisine if you are in the New Tampa area.  It might even be as good as Szechuan Garden in Williamston...just saying, it's worth a try.

     And now we wait and wait and wait and then I check my phone to see I have a voicemail waiting.  No ring...why would anyone want a cell phone that actually rings when someone calls.  This is the second time this has happened today.  So my room is ready.  Guess it will be another cycle of chemo at midnight.  It's not like I have any other big plans for the next 6 days.  Gotta go...wish me luck!!!

     Another good day.  We went to a bird sanctuary on the island and it was awesome.  I took many pictures, all of which I can't get off my camera yet so I have no pictures from today.  We saw many fish, crabs, birds and one rat snake.  I love mangroves and all the different plant life...just amazing and beautiful how nature works around the obstacles to survive.  She always finds a way.
     Then for lunch we discovered Joses Cuban food.  Best plantains ever!  I needed a nap after all the good food.  Then I discovered the upstairs balcony of the house we are starting in.  I read my book (almost finished) and listened to the ocean, the birds and the wind through the trees.  It was a perfect day.  I'm sad to leave tomorrow.  It has been a great visit with my second family.  It seems I luck out quite often in life.  Not only did I find the one person in the entire world that I was meant to be with but he came with an equally great family that I love dearly.  Thank you Pam and Tom and Memaw and Papau for a wonderful two weeks!
     I did find one picture from today...

this is from yesterday, shelling on long boat at sunset.

this is the one from today...look at that color scheme!

this was yesterdays sunset

Love and hobby lobby

I appreciate all your uplifting comments.  They help a little on the crummy days.  Much love to all of you.

Hobby Lobby has come to Bradenton! It has opened just in time so that I was able to walk the aisles and find a cool box.  I haven't been to one in years. 

I also spent sometime on the beach today...did some shelling in the shade, read a book and took a nap.  We had delicious brats for dinner and I had 2 helpings of beans and coleslaw!

Now I think I'll go back to my book.

Thanks again for all the love.

     So it would seem the day after I do something, I do nothing the next day.  I guess I can handle that.  It is almost unbelievable that I used to go everyday so strong and work so hard.  Wake up at 6am 5 days a week, start morning husbandry at 7am...hosing, raking, shovelling at a pace that allowed me to do the job right (for over 100 different species) and be done in 2 hours.  After that it would be crating animals and walking them across the park at a speed walkers pace.  I never walked gingerly anywhere.  There was always a task that needed to be done.  The only time I slowed down was when I was actually training an animal.  You plan out the session and allow the animal to learn at its own pace.  It may take one long session or ten short sessions.  You can't force learning, nor should you try.

     Now, walking up stairs forces me to sit down and let my heart rate settle back down.  Going to see a movie means a 3 hour nap.  Eating food requires a series of deep breaths.  Two hours of leisurely shopping wipes me out the next day.  I would estimate I am 1/8 the person I was a month ago.  I hope I never get used to this.  I hope after all this is over I bounce back as fast as I did from surgery.  I know I won't be stronger (or so I've been told) which is frustrating.  I always want to be more than I am and I think that is a good thing.  It's the right kind of attitude to have.  And I have the right kind of partner to help me get there.  I will accept whatever I come out of this as but I hope I will always try to improve myself in every way.

     On a lighter note, Star Trek was awesome.

Another good day.  Did a little bit of shopping today with the fam.  I bought a pretty dress and had some ice cream. I learned how to play cribbage and I even won the first match.  Rematch tomorrow though. I'm turning in early so maybe i wont be lazy all day tomorrow.

love to all and goodnight!

Lazy day

Not feeling it today guys but here is a picture to tide you over.

Who is ready for the beach...

no sunscreen required

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     This girl!

     I did put sunscreen on my face, neck and feet.  I think this is the way to go to the beach from now on.  I hate putting on sunscreen and especially reapplying after you have gone in the ocean.  Sand is always involved in the second application and I inevitably miss a spot which burns causing discomfort for the next few days.  So fully clothed and hidden under a huge hat is my new way of beaching it.

     I bought a couple new beanies today.  I made the mistake of asking about wigs and the lady wouldn't shut up about it.  It's because wigs are where the money is at.  Wigs are expensive.  She kept telling me how I need one for going out to feel normal.  If I go out to eat with my husband or a group of people, I am not going to care about my lack of hair.  I think the beanie look is really nice.  I think it also might save a cook spitting in my food when I ask for special treatment.  I am not trying to hide the fact that I'm going through chemo.  Everybody knows we are dealing with it and I'm not concerned with the people that don't.  Then she tried to sell me more beanies.  One of which looked like it may have been used...ew!   I got what I wanted and got out of there. 



     So mostly a good day.  I'm feeling a few crummy things now but I just pay attention to what my body is telling me and follow suit accordingly.  It might be a pain pill kind of night but they give me such action packed dreams that I wake up in the middle of the night all tense and heart racing.  Last night someone was chasing me.  I woke up before he caught me but I was all parkouring hedges and walls and stuff.  Kind of cool but it made me wake up with the same headache I took it for in the first place.  This is why I mostly don't agree with taking medicine for your ailments. 

Here are some more pics of my day...

so many birds out there and a few pelicans...sorry my camera sucks

Just relaxing today

    Well it's done and I feel much better! I'm sorry but it is just gross every time you touch your head to have a clump of hair fall out.  If I had been by myself at home, it might not have been as big a deal but I'm sharing a house with people I love and it is unkind to leave patches of yourself all over the place.  No, this was bound to happen and I'm okay with it.  My head feels like a brillo pad.  My hoodies stick to it.  I can't wait to see what my pillow feels like.  My head has a nice round shape and a few dings.

     I felt so good today that I did a little shopping after getting my FREE haircut (that's right, she did not charge for the shave...one of the perks of cancer).  That's where I got the spiffy flamingo hoodie in the picture.  After that, I went to the beach.  It was beautiful!  I was very comfortable in my long sleeve shirt and leggings.  After that, I had the most delicious hamburger and Mac and cheese...I even had a little margarita.

     It was a good day!

Happy Mother's Day

 

     Yesterday was good.  It was busy-ish.  I had breakfast with my babe at one of our favorite places...way too early.  I woke up at 4:30am and was wide awake again.  He said if I was still up in an hour we would go to breakfast.  I really tried to fall back to sleep but I couldn't.  So I putzed around for awhile before waking him up again.  He is a good man.  I got to see some friends after breakfast that I hadn't seen in too long.  It was nice to catch up and we got the run down of the place we are moving into next month.  I am excited!   I took two naps yesterday before mom and I drove out to Anna Maria to meet up with Jeremy and the family.  It was a very relaxing evening and I fell asleep before I could write in the blog.

     Today I am feeling some effects.  The hair is going (got in some family pictures first) tomorrow.  It is coming out in clumps and it's yucky.  So tomorrow I am going to find a fantastic sams or something and have them shave it.  Also, my teeth hurt which makes chewing difficult but the pain meds make me fuzzy so I am pretty much just out of it for most of the day.  I slept most of the day away.  That was not what I wanted to do for mother's day.  I had plans to celebrate the best moms in the world today.  Instead, they ended up taking care of me in true mom fashion.  I am a lucky girl.  Feeling much better now but not 100%.

     I hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day and weekend.  Love to all! 

    And another good day.  You wouldn't even know I had chemo yesterday.  I went out and got my nails done for the beach.  Had me some steak and shake..complete with milkshake.  I have not been there in years.  Then we went to Bealls to find mom some flip flops and I found a cute pair of sandals for me and the lady at the register gave me $10 off just because I asked if she had a coupon.  Bonus!  Quick stop at Target and home for a nap before going in to get my shot.  The nurse that took care of me was awesome and funny.  They forgot about me and he took care of everything and I was out of there 8 minutes after my scheduled appointment.  I got a little flush from the sun...really bad about sunscreen.  Other than that no sickness.  I did pull out a small chunk of hair that seemed to be attached to a small chunk of skin but no biggie.  Here are some pics of my day...

 

 

M&Ms in that shake!

     Round two goes to...ME!  I feel really good.  Almost "buzzed", energetic and tingly.  I am sure that is the steroid but none the less, I'm not vomiting so that is a plus.  I have a bunch of meds for nausea too so I don't think that is going to be a problem.  I do have to get a shot tomorrow that can cause bone pain but it might not so I'm leaning towards that. 

     So my day...labs in the morning and a meeting with my doctor.  He had nothing but good news.  He said enjoy the beach (just stay out of the sun:/) and that if I feel good in a week we can skip the appointment.  We all went home and waited til 1:00 for me to check into the infusion center.  We arrive early of course.  The lady tells me my chair time is scheduled for 1:30 and that they are running behind.  I say no big deal, I don't have anything else going on today.  I return to my mother at the puzzle table. We pretty much finish the puzzle with the exception of missing pieces.  I don't remember how many pieces the puzzle was...maybe 500.  We get called back and I glance at the clock...it's 2:30!  I really get into puzzles.  I had no idea an hour had passed.  She wasn't kidding when they said they were behind.  So the lady starts me on premeds and says it will be 4 hours.  I am not sure what happened because she was pretty much on time with the bags but we did not leave there until 8pm!  I guess I really wasn't doing anything else.  It's also better than staying in the hospital overnight and we were not the last ones to leave either.  One guy had to drive back to Ocala (hour and a half north).  This is how you stay positive...someone somewhere in the world has it worse than you no matter what your circumstance.

2:30pm This is my chemo chair

turkey sandwich compliments of the hospital.  If you can't eat lettuce but love the crunch biting into a sandwich I recommend potato chips.

6:00pm when I found out I had another hour and a half which turned in to 2 hours.

     12 more rounds to go!

     Lost a very special animal yesterday.  Atlas was an african serval I had the pleasure of working with and learning from for the past 5 years.  I wasn't there/couldn't be there so I don't know why the decision was made but I expect to hear about that soon.  The last time I saw him, he didn't even look my way when I called his name.  This is good because trainers have a tendency to project feelings and relationships with the animals they train that are one sided.  If I had been in his habitat with him, he would have acted differently and had I been one of his other trainers he may have acted differently still.  I make it a point to not get attached to the animals I work with but I got attached to this one. 

     On a happy note, I'm feeling good still.  I go in for my second cycle tomorrow.  I am anxious to see how my body reacts.  Either way, I'll be recovering near the beach so it won't be all bad.  Anna Maria here we come!

     Well good morning (she said with sarcasm).  Jeremy's cat decided...no, I can't even believe there was a decision there...he just bowled through my cup of coffee.  See, I like to make a little breakfast and a cup of coffee, get back in bed and watch a show on the DVR before I start my day.  I don't do this every morning but I did this morning.  There my coffee sat on my shelf, next to my clock and a few other items.  If it had been Mr. Kitty, he would have looked at the shelf to see how he best fit with the objects and he may have even chosen the shelf below or above that have more room/less objects.  Charlie, however doesn't understand that concept.  He is such a spaz that I am surprised the objects on the shelf didn't scare him and send him flying out of the room just by being there.  Instead, he jumped right up into the cup of coffee with his front feet.  His back feet never made it and he fell back onto the bed.  This shelf is not high or far from the bed.  It is the perfect distance to comfortably reach your cup without having to twist or turn in a weird way while you watch tv.  It is also low enough that if a cat just took a second and looked at the shelf before jumping he might not make that jump.  He could just walk onto the shelf if he was a calm, collected cat like Mr. Kitty.  Maybe there is something truly wrong with Charlie.  A chemical imbalance in the brain, partial blindness...I'm not sure but it might be worth looking into.

     So today I am washing the sheets, the duvet cover, the bed skirt and our comforter.  Laundry all day.  Thank you Charlie

 

Another incident comes to mind when Charlie was younger.  We had some leftover queso in a tupperware container.  I think it was Brian and I and we set it on a side table no bigger than the container itself.  We were just munching on chips and cheese in front of the tv and what does Charlie do...he jumps onto the table.  Remember the table was no bigger than the container.  All four paws direct in the queso.  That is where Charlie got the addition to his name.  Charlie Wilson 'queso' Watson Wing.  I guess he didn't learn.

Cinco de mayo and I get no Mexican food:(

It's ok though...we have some healthy homemade chili with chips and I just learned I can still eat my favorite salsa!  So I am all set...don't even want a beer. 
I just tried on my new beanies today...don't know why I took so long.  I love them!  Courtesy of my husband and his mom.  So cute! I feel all downton abby-ish.  I can't believe we have to wait until next year for the new season...don't they know that now is a good time for me to be watching the new season?!

I feel like I ate a ton of good food today.  I ate 5 smaller meals so I'm not pigging out or anything (although def not burning the calories I'm bringing in...got to watch that).  I love having my mom here to help.  She is a wiz in the kitchen.  I look at something and think I'd like to make that and then I say to myself 'that is going to take so long' and then I make soup or something.  For mom...it doesn't even phase her.  Bing, bang, boom and dinner is ready and healthy too.  Love it!  I'm lazy...for now I get to blame chemo :)

Here is a picture of a goat because I like goats.

     What a day!  I got to see my nephew Joey, packed several boxes with the help of my mom, had a delicious pot roast dinner...complete with carrot cake courtesy of Jen, caught up with an old friend and finished the night being serenaded on the keyboard by my niece Eisley. 

     Now I am feeling full and sleepy.  Tomorrow we might go out of the house...we will see how it goes in the morning.  I feel like I did a lot today which seems absolutely ridiculous to say when I compare it to what I used to do in a day.  Excited for what tomorrow will bring!

Love to all!

     So about 4:30 am the tinkle fairy woke me up and I mean I was wide awake!  I checked my vitals, ate some pizza, brushed my teeth and eventually got back in bed and just lay there, awake.  It's ok because I have the flexibility to sleep and wake whenever I feel the need.  That is not the case for Jeremy however who is not on "vacation" and has to go about his normal daily life and deal with me being a "derp" as he would call it.  Love him so much.  Months ago, if he woke me up in the middle of the night and I had to go to work the next morning I would be less than happy.  Today we had a conversation 3 hours before he had to go to work and you all know once you are talking, falling back asleep is nearly impossible.  He is the most wonderful man.  I am truly a lucky girl. 

     I am feeling extra lucky because I feel good.  I almost feel normal-ish.  I'm certainly not going to run any races but I feel like getting stuff done today.  I keep waiting for that run down feeling and hair loss, like it is creeping up just around the corner.  I'm getting tired of waiting.  If my hair doesn't fall out soon then I am going to have to figure out how to do my new hair.  I haven't posted any pictures lately because my hair is a mess.  I slept on a wet head and it is just...well I don't have to tell you ladies what happens when you wake up in the morning.  I am motivated today though to fix it, so will post a picture later.  (How many times did I use the word 'feel' in that last paragraph...chemo brain)

     Things to do today...packing!  We are moving next month and have lots of packing to do.  I'm glad I have my mom here to help.  I hate packing the kitchen stuff.  I also have to fax some stuff to the insurance company so that will require me leaving the house...we will see if that happens.  First thing is first, Price is Right (children's addition).  


Love to all!!

     Still doing well.  Pizza seems to be my chemo food of choice.  We made a digourno supreme rising crust last night and I can eat it for the next day before it has to be tossed.  Pizza is a good source of meat, vegetables, dairy and bread.  It is not what I am used to but since I can't have a salad or anything cold for that matter, I'm stuck with a little unhealthy eating.  Open to suggestions on that front.  No more Moe's salsa bar...I love salsa.  I wonder, is salsa I buy at the store and sits in my fridge OK?  So many questions.  Jeremy got me this green juice that is full of vegetables...it's interesting.  It's liking drinking pineapple juice and then all of a sudden corn or some such vegetable I can't quite figure out.  The important thing is that I give my body what it needs and that is healthy food.  No eggs over easy.  I miss the crunch of vegetables and fruit.  I'm blaming my bouncing around/disorganized thoughts on chemo brain...it's a real thing.  Everything is just kind of hazy.  I feel I can capitalize on this much like an older person uses their age to say inappropriate things.  It would take minimal work and attention which is more than I feel like spending so I probably won't.  Now I have done a thing I dislike doing and have forgone all structure in writing and grammar.  I'm sure there should be a paragraph somewhere in this mess...chemo brain.  As long as I don't start messing up there, their and they're...that irritates me when I see that.

     I had to give myself a shot in the belly today.  I wasn't very good at it.  I went slow and the needle didn't go in all the way but I could feel the stuff so I know it's in there.  The needle is really long and I just prefer to not shove the whole thing in there. 

     Saw some friends last night.  It was nice to hear what is happening outside of the bubble.  Everyone looks good and is doing well.  I like hearing that stuff.  Feel free to fill me in on what's going on anytime.  I am open to email, comments, texts and phone calls. 

That's all for now.

Going home

So this guy stops by and plops a toucan beanie babie on my tray and offers me any kind of snack I want.  I went with peanuts because my doc said I shouldn't eat candy bars because of spiking sugars or something.  I don't remember all of it but the important part was not to eat them.  Here is my toucan...funny thing is the toucan is the one animal at Busch gardens that I have the hardest time with.  He doesn't like brunettes.

We made it and I've got my good little snuggle bug next to me keeping me warm.  It's like he knows something is up.  He stays away from my face and just tucks in to my cubby hole.

Charles on the other hand just wanders around crying as usual.  He is such a weirdo!